TRYING TO HELP

"TRYING TO HELP"
By Dennis Miller

All the rhetoric on whether or not we should go to war against Iraq has
got
my little brain spinning like a top. I enjoy reading opinions from both
sides, but I've detected a hint of confusion from some of you. Maybe
this
can help.

As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of the best advice
anyone ever gave me. He told me about the "KISS" method ("Keep It
Simple,
Stupid!"). So with this as a theme, I'd like to apply this theory for
those
who don't quite get it. My hope is that we can simplify things and
recognize
a few important facts.

Here are ten things to consider when voicing an opinion on this
important
issue:

(1) Between President Bush and Saddam Hussein ... Hussein is the bad
guy.

(2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right things,
keep
this in mind: the UN has Libya heading the Committee on Human Rights
and
Iraq heading the Global Disarmament Committee. Do your own math here.

(3) If you use a Google or Yahoo search and type in "French Military
Victories," don't be surprised if your computer panicks at its
inability to
respond to your inquiry.

(4) If your only anti-war slogan is "No War For Oil," hire a pit bull
lawyer
and sue your school district for having allowed you to slip through the
cracks and robbing you of the minimum education that any non-troglodyte
deserves.

(5) You can take this one to the bank: Saddam and bin Laden will NOT
seek UN
approval before they try to kill us.

(6) Despite common belief among some, Martin Sheen is NOT the
President. He
only plays one on TV.

(7) If you are anti-war and even an outright "America Basher," to bin
Laden
you are still an "infidel" whom he wants dead.

(8) Be careful: if you believe in a "vast right-wing conspiracy," but
not in
the danger that Hussein poses, the only job you may be able to get is
as an
Ivy League college professor.

(9) Even multi-culturalists who try to browbeat us into believing that
all
cultures are equally deserving of respect have trouble explaining the
past
500 year of Islam.

(10) Whether you are for or against military action, our young men and
women
overseas are fighting to defend our right to speak out on these issues.
They
deserve our unreserved support.

I hope this helps.