Lawyer's Opinion

NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one-way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.
The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all to my alma mater - Rice University."
The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question. "Two millions dollars," the doctor said. "And I want to donate it all for the advancement of medical research."
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied, "You give me three million, I'll give you one million, I'll keep a million, and we'll send the engineer!"

OK, another one:

A lawyer parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a semi-trailer comes flying along too close to the curb and takes off the door before speeding off.
Distraught, the lawyer grabs his cell and calls the cops. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the cop has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically, "My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined! No matter how long it's in the shop it'll simply never be the same again!"
After the lawyer finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody lawyers are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."
"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the lawyer.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you realize your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you?"
The lawyer looks down in absolute horror. "Oh my God!" he screams. "Where's my Rolex?!"

:LolLolLolLol: I really liked the 1st one, but the 2nd one was good, too.

HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. (AP) — Did you hear the one about the two guys arrested for telling lawyer jokes?

It happened this week to the founders of a group called Americans for Legal Reform, who were waiting in line to get into a Long Island courthouse.

“How do you tell when a lawyer is lying?” Harvey Kash reportedly asked Carl Lanzisera.

“His lips are moving,” they said in unison.

While some waiting to get into the courthouse giggled, a lawyer farther up the line Monday was not laughing.

He told them to pipe down, and when they did not, the lawyer reported the pair to court personnel, who charged them with disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor.

“They just can’t take it,” Kash said of lawyers in general. “This violates our First Amendment rights.”

Dan Bagnuola, a spokesman for the Nassau County courts, said the men were “being abusive and they were causing a disturbance.” He said he did not have the name of the lawyer who complained.

Americans for Legal Reform monitors the courts and uses confrontational tactics to push for greater access for the public. The pair said that for years they have stood outside courthouses on Long Island and mocked lawyers.

On Monday, however, Kash said he was due in court to answer a drunken driving charge from a year and a half ago. The men are due back in court on the disorderly conduct charge next month.

hope you dont live in NJ

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 150 years old!"

LOL Hey HUTCH, J Dawg already posted your last lawyer joke. But it's a good one. LOL

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HotShotFWP

LOL Hey HUTCH, J Dawg already posted your last lawyer joke. But it's a good one. LOL

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:LolLolLolLol:

What i posted 2 jokes....?????????????

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HUTCH SC95

What i posted 2 jokes....?????????????

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or ya deleted ur last post :puzzled:

:baddevil: